Mailvox: it’s not ALL the men’s fault

JR assumes a portion of the blame:

I really enjoyed your piece on men…let me suggest also that along with the absent fathers, many mothers can and did contribute to their son’s stay into boyhood. I was one of them.

As a single parent I often told my son “not to fight back” in school if at all possible. Knowing the insane policy of the school to expel both victim and bully. I brought him up to not like guns, and I wish I would have taken him to a firing range to learn how to use one. One day, when he was around 10, I saw a neighborhood black kid (who was around 15) kicking my son in the side, while his best friend stood by and watched.(we are white) That day I was awakened to reality and told him, inside of murder, go ahead and fight back with all full fury, damn the schools. IT was a little late, but better late than never.

Thank goodness my son loved sports and learned many “manly” examples from teammates and coaches.

It’s a man’s world, you guys built it, most of the time woman just take care of it.(now, I’m not putting us down, just thinking of a bell curve) I grew up in the 60’s with all the woman”s revolution crap, and I played drums for a living in bands, and lugged around a lot of heavy equipment until one day, I looked at the size of the forceps on the guys and said, “here, I’ll carry the microphones and carry my set, but I’m not lugging those huge 4560’s JBL speakers anymore.” No one said a word….

I still believe that men and woman can be equal in intelligence, but I’m always telling my x-Navy Seal husband, who never believes me, that if HE would just call when we have a complaint about something, it would get taken care of…..it’s the pitch of the voice, it’s the respect of sheer force…it’s mother nature…and to ignore it is stupid. I wish I could convince him of all the trouble I have to go through when all it would take would be one phone call from him.

Men are needed as parents. Period.

I suppose there’s something to the idea that you can’t have a mama’s boy without a mama. But then, JR was raising the boy as a single parent. There are plenty of men who have abdicated their responsibility to be a role model, in which case the mother is acting as a virtual single parent.

Fred says: Go South, young man

Living as I do in Mexico, I get mail from guys saying “Hey, what’s the deal on women? I hear things are pretty good. Come on, spill it. What’s down there? Now, what are Mexicanas like?

I don’t suggest that women in the Third World (whatever exactly that means) are flawless gems. Ain’t none of us that good. You can find rotten apples in any barrel, regardless of country or sex.

What you will find, though, is that Mexicanas do not resent you for being male. They can get cranky, as most of us can, but it will be about what you did, not what you are. They are women, not sexual halflings in search of slights as pretexts for being disagreeable. It is this, not nice legs, that constitutes their greatest appeal. As wives, provided that you understand their strengths and limitations, they are just plain fine.

I think one of the single most important things an American young woman could learn is to realize that the ability to go in search of blame and successfully pin it on someone is not a strength, but an irritating weakness. There is almost nothing more annoying than having to constantly guard your words around someone, knowing that if you give them the slightest opportunity, they will intentionally misinterpret whatever you say and assign the worst possible interpretation to it.

For some reason, young women often seem to think that this is empowering and gives them a leg up on those around them, men and women. It’s a control mechanism and I guess it’s considered empowering because if you’re on offense, you’re not on defense and that is desirable in a zero-sum game like football. But a functional relationship is not a zero-sum game, no one is awarding points and this sort of behavior makes even the most reasonable man want to grab the woman, shake the proverbial waste products out of her and demand to know if she is actually brain-damaged or only pretending to be.

I find that the most effective way to deal with this nonsense is to not only agree with the stupid interpretation, but to up the ante. For example, if a reasonable remark about the fact that a particular outfit does not fit inspires the shocked intake of breath and the angry demand to know if you think she looks fat, the correct response is not to frantically deny that you could ever have possibly implied such blasphemy, but to say “yes, and obviously I don’t love you anymore.”

Once it becomes apparent that acting stupid means getting treated as if she’s stupid, she’ll give it up. Unless she’s a complete psycho, in which case you’re doomed no matter what you do so there’s no point in wasting any time worrying precisely which action of yours is going to set her off.

Love and belonging

A point that has completely escaped me on, what for lack of a better term, one might call the masculinist side, is the attitude towards a man’s theoretical bastards. Now, I’m as opposed to divorce-at-will as anyone and I personally feel* that a woman who take a man’s children away from him simply because she isn’t happy at the moment deserves to be strangled with her fallopian tubes.

And yet, if I were to learn that a child of mine was not, in fact, mine biologically, I cannot fathom the notion of loving that child any less. To be honest, were I to learn that Big Chilly or – Cthulhu forfend – Bane were the actual father, my first thought would be to shake his hand and thank him for a gift of such inestimable value. I might even have tears of gratitude in my eyes, although I’m not a Bane-class weeper.

Now, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t eventually get around to kicking his ass on the whole cuckoldry thing, of course, as well as wreaking a degree of just havoc on the other party responsible. But what does this have to do with the child? I am not saying that men should ever be held legally responsible for that which is provably not theirs, but I strongly suspect that most of those men who are so militantly against the thought of raising another man’s child do not have children of their own.

I’ve seen far too much love on the part of adoptive parents to believe otherwise. One of the stories that most amused me growing up was hearing how a Korean neighbor, adopted as an infant, went to her white parents and demanded to know if she was adopted. She was ten. And despite the glaring differences between her and her blond-haired, blue-eyed Scandinavian siblings, the thought that she didn’t belong with them had literally never crossed her mind.

*in other words, this is not my rational and reasoned position on the matter, it’s simply how I feel. I have no interest in attempting to debate or discuss my feelings. If you have a burning desire to do so, go away and watch Oprah or something.

Mailvox: word ’em up

WS doesn’t think much of the men of today:

You very well expressed my female, older-woman observations. Would to God that men would find their God-given masculinity again and start acting like adults instead of little boys! I can remember when boys, even as young as 12, acted like heroic men, standing in the face of danger to protect girls and women. Now boys are made afraid to even look at a weapon without being told they are breaking the law. They have become conditioned sissies.

And don’t even GET her STARTED on that media-manufactured, might-as-well-be-queer metrosexual thing.

What is it with women columnists?

Ellen Ratner discovers Internet porn:

The other day I was at the gym at 4:30 p.m. mindlessly ticking off those calories one by painful one when I read the VH1 trailer, “Coming up next: Celebrity Sex.” The program proceeded to show various ill-gotten photos and videos of celebrities gearing up for, having or having just engaged in sexual activity. VH1 then showed the audience of little monsters how to search for and click onto these videos and photos from their own computers.

VH1 is not exactly a porn channel, but they must understand that pornography is big business. There are more porn Web pages than there are Americans in this country. Yet we have hardly heard a peep out of the usual self-anointed suspects. Tom DeLay, Jerry Falwell, Bill Frist, Rick Santorum, James Dobson – to name a few – are so focused on making a mountain out of a molehill with regard to gay Americans that they are getting crushed by an avalanche of what my mother used to call, “debauchery.”

Seriously, is she kidding? I don’t know about the politicians, but Falwell and Dobson have never hesitated to preach against the ills of pornography. But Ms Ratner practically on top of this new porn sensation by recent standards; she’s only years late instead of the decades it took for Michelle Malkin to discover that girls were cutting themselves and for Maureen Dowd to learn that men don’t particularly want to date career women.

I’m not saying that a columnist should be able to identify every porn star making a cameo in a Eminem video, but if you don’t even know who Jenna Jameson is, you do not possess the requisite information to express a meaningful opinion on modern American society.

It was clear to me that things were changing when, ten years ago, a discussion of CD-ROMs at the Computer Game Developers Conference revealed a telling fact. The number of reported CD-ROM-based software sales was 25 percent less than the number of CD-ROMs manufactured and sold. There was much discussion of various conspiracy theories on the part of the software publishers, until one bearded fellow raised his hand and asked if porn CDs were included in the reports.

As it turned out, they weren’t. And there’s your missing 25 percent, which is probably more like 35 percent of DVDs these days. America is not a Constitutional Republic, it has devolved into a pornocratic krinocracy.