100 Things I Hate about Television

3. Small guns are better.

For some reason, bad guys armed with shotguns, scoped and laser-sighted assault rifles and rocket-propelled grenade launchers inevitably themselves outgunned by the good guy’s little 9mm. It doesn’t matter if the good guy is caught in the open and subject to enfilading fire from three positions, he will survive and his popgun will inflict inerrant death to body-armored troops set up in their defensive shelters.

TV producers’ addiction to “surprises” is almost as bad as NFL coaches. “I know, it’s third-and-17 on our own 20, they’ll never expect a draw play.” If a gun battle erupts on TV, watch to see who has the smaller gun with less firepower. There’s your winner.

Needless to say, the USMC and other successful successful military organizations do not subscribe to this philosophy.

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