I know I’m shocked

I mean, we all know the British government issues licenses to kill:

No police officers will face criminal charges over the death of Jean Charles de Menezes, the Crown Prosecution Service said yesterday. He was shot dead at Stockwell Underground station, south London, last July by anti-terrorist officers who mistakenly feared that he was a suicide bomber….

“In order to prosecute those officers, we would have to prove, beyond reasonable doubt, that they did not honestly and genuinely hold those beliefs. In fact, the evidence supports their claim that they genuinely believed that Mr de Menezes was a suicide bomber and therefore, as we cannot disprove that claim, we cannot prosecute them for murder or any other related offence.”

If I ever wanted to start a career as a hit man, the first thing I’d do is join the police force. You could probably nail three or four people for profit, then retire early claiming post-traumatic stress disorder and collect a disability pension.

What an entirely predictable joke. By this logic, until the UK police possesses retroactive mind-reading technology, the British public is completely fair game so long as the cop can think up an excuse.

This is so fake

I wonder what they’ll turn out to be selling. It stinks of viral marketing:

It’s a personal message for everyone to read. Thanks goes out to my husband who chipped in on the price tag. Golly gee honey, I would’ve never been able to tell the world about your exploits with my best friend without your contribution! Gotta love joint bank accounts. Oh, sorry Steve, I had to splurge on the lights, too. Some people work late, like you. And they’re always driving home when it’s dark. Burning that midnight oil, Steve-o. Just like you.

So for the next two weeks, starting with today, I will exact revenge on my whoring husband. And who knows what a disparaged woman with lots of resources at her disposal might do?!

It’s always interesting to see how difficult it is to convincingly write in a false voice. A good fiction writer can do it at times, but most people can’t. Anger, in particular, is difficult to write persuasively. I was sure that this whole thing was a fake after watching the video, as the two people clearly appeared to be actors and I don’t know how any private investigator would manage to get that near-upskirt shot at the restaurant without them noticing, but even the text of the purported billboard rang false.

UPDATE – apparently my BS detector is in good working order.