Mailvox: How is she still single?

JC emailed me this MySpace blog post. I’m sure all the married guys will be lamenting that they’re not in a position to pursue this angel descended to Earth… as if they could ever deserve her!

This should weed out who are losers and who are friends. In a man this is what I need.

1- You should own your own home by the age of 30. No excuses. I don’t care if your exwife took you. You should have been man enough to be financially stable enough to at least walk away with something. I am too old to be starting fresh financially and I do have a lifestyle to maintain. I was married to a very wealthy man before and I dont intend to take a step bckward.

2- You should make more money than me. I will not be there to support your lifestyle at all. I am working because I need something to do during the day but I dont want to continue to do it fulltime. If you don’t make enough to both have a very nice house and new cars and buy me the nice things I deserve plus an allowance you are just not grown up enough to have me. I wont lie. I am high maintainance. Deal with it or dont ask me out.

3- You should understand that as a woman you must earn me. This is both financial but emotional. My hormones change every day and until you are a woman and can understand that deal with it. yes I am fickle and subject to change my mind. Its a womans peroggotive. If you cant deal with my mood swings move along. You should be there for me no matter how cranky I am.

4- I do cook when I am in the mood but I don’t clean. I am not a maid. If you like your place clean you should make enough to hire a cleaning service because i should be worth more than that to you and you shouldnt expect that of me. You cant expect me to cook for you regularly either. I do have a job and a life. I cook when I want to not when you want me to.

5- Child care. I love my kids but I am not a nanny. I mostly work because I cant stand being around kids all day. I need my me time to get away. I need weekends away on a regular basis so you should be able to afford that. I am open to having more kids but if I go through the pain and suffering to have the kid you should do the sleepless nights thing or hire a nanny and if your kids are whiny brats than let their mom keep them. I dont have time or energy to fix your kids.

6- Staying in shape. You must have nice abs. If I had a mans metabolism I would. If I didn’t have kids I would. You have no excuse. I am sorry but I am just not attracted to guys who dont take care of themselves.

I am sorry this rant but come on guys grow up and get with it. If you fit the bill email me and let me know. If you dont them delete me from your friends and dont email me anymore. Sorry but this is the way it is and better to get it out of the way now than to spend all sorts of time dating before we figure these things out about each other.

On the one hand, at least she’s honest. One has to give her full credit for that. On the other… well, let’s just say it’s not a massive surprise that her “very wealthy” ex-husband found it within himself to make the selfless sacrifice required to let her spread her wings and fly. I particularly liked the “you have no excuse, but I do” mentality. Ye cats!

Speaking of which, the part I found interesting about this English article on toxic wives is that the pattern involves a start as an educated, high-flying career girl. In such cases, the job is merely the ticket for entry into the happy hunting grounds. Don’t ever trust a woman who says she wants to stay home with the kids but doesn’t exhibit any signs of actually wanting to be around them.

I disagree, of course, that the solution is to “marry an equal” and split the bills. One would do far better to look for a young woman whose chief ambition is to be a wife and mother, not a useless layabout, such women often work as nannies, unsurprisingly, and they’re often very attractive too.

It worked for Tiger Woods and me, anyhow.

Old maidhood better than death!

There’s something about this article that smacks of weird female desperation:

For what experts say is probably the first time, more American women are living without a husband than with one, according to a New York Times analysis of census results.

In 2005, 51 percent of women said they were living without a spouse, up from 35 percent in 1950 and 49 percent in 2000.

Coupled with the fact that in 2005 married couples became a minority of all American households for the first time, the trend could ultimately shape social and workplace policies, including the ways government and employers distribute benefits.

Several factors are driving the statistical shift. At one end of the age spectrum, women are marrying later or living with unmarried partners more often and for longer periods. At the other end, women are living longer as widows and, after a divorce, are more likely than men to delay remarriage, sometimes delighting in their newfound freedom….

“A gentleman asked me to marry him and I said no,” she recalled. “I told him, ‘I’m just beginning to fly again, I’m just beginning to be me. Don’t take that away.’ ”

“Marriage kind of aged me because there weren’t options,” Ms. Terris said. “There was only one way to go. Now I have choices. One night I slept on the other side of the bed, and I thought, I like this side.”

She said she was returning to college to get a master’s degree (her former husband “didn’t want me to do that because I was more educated* than he was”), had taken photography classes and was auditioning for a play.

“Once you go through something you think will kill you and it doesn’t,” she said, “every day is like a present.”

It doesn’t kill you! You can sleep on whatever side of the bed you want! Some women delight in it!

And presumably you can have all the cats you like too. But here’s what puzzles me. If remaining permanently alone is so fabulous, then why does nearly every woman on the planet go ballistic every time she hears about a man trading in a woman for a younger model with fewer miles on her?

It seems to me such men should be celebrated, even awarded medals of appreciation, for their demonstrable willingness to sacrifice their own comfort to the great cause of women’s freedom and self-actualization.

And furthermore, if it is laudable for women to resist getting married or avoid it altogether, then why are women so critical of men who openly express their lack of interest in the institution? Why shouldn’t men be praised when they string their girlfriends along encourage their girlfriends to remain free? In fairness, though, one must admit that the article provides a brilliant excuse for guys who wish to put off their marriage-hungry girlfriends.

“Where do I see this going? Great places, lots of fun and interesting places. And I’d love to propose, you know, but I just couldn’t live with myself if I took you away from you. You don’t want me to clip your wings, do you? All right, then.”

*It seems education isn’t quite as sexy as the educated, thirty-something single women keep insisting it is. Seriously, if a woman’s goal is to be attractive to men, a boob job and a fitness membership are much better investments than a college education. And an education is going to be mostly wasted on the woman incapable of figuring that one out.