This is truly hilarious

The DM of the Rings:

Aragorn: “We need a name for our group. What do you guys think?”
DM: “I suggest Fellowship of the Ring.”
Legolas: “Gay. how about Legion of the Ring?”
Gimli: “Nay, makes us sound evil.”
Merri: “I know! The Guardians of the Ring!”
Pippin: “Um, we’re not really guarding it, we’re trying to destroy it.”
Sam: “The Seven Keepers of the Ring?”
Frodo: “There are nine of us.”

The thing I love most about geek humor is that while the normal person who comes up with a funny take on something will turn it into an amusing anecdote, only a committed geek can take a single amusing concept and somehow turn it into an ongoing epic that somehow continues to be funny even though it’s merely explication of the one thought.

It’s like the guy who remade Star Wars in ASCII text. You know he’s hopelessly insane, but you have to love him for it. This excerpt from the guy’s bio tells you all that you really need to know about whether reading his graphic saga is worthwhile.

(And as my wife reminds me below: At one point I forgot to pay the phone bill and the phone was disconnected. Took me a week to notice.)

This post brought to you courtesy of our atheist friends at Unscrewing the Inscrutable.

Overheard

Little Australian Boy: “Wot’s thaht thing agayan?” “

VD: “What thing?”

LAB: “Thaht thing thaht was on yir cah!”

VD: “Oh, the weasel?”

LAB: “Yiea. Was hay fat and juicy loik may?”

VD: (trying not to laugh) “How’d you get so fat and juicy?”

LAB: “Oi exercoise!

Now, that was funny. But you haven’t experienced true humor until you’ve overheard two little kids discussing a ventriloquist who was, very convincingly, using a dog in the place of the usual dummy. I nearly asphyxiated myself trying to keep from laughing out loud.

Little Girl: “That pup is from NARNIA!”

Little Boy: “Narnia’s just a story. I think it’s a parrot in a dog suit.”

Voting with their feet

How to create a third world country:

Last year, 510,000 foreign migrants came to the UK to stay for at least 12 months, according to the Office for National Statistics. At the same time 400,000 people, more than half of whom were British, emigrated….

It is the first time the number of foreign migrants has topped half a million and the statistics do not include hundreds of thousands of east Europeans who have arrived to work in Britain in the past two years.

And that’s just the legals. Londonistan and North Mexico, now there’s a winning combination for the ages! At least the food will be spicy.

Update – A Member of Parliament explains why so many Englishmen are emigrating:

The papers today ask why 400,000 left the Uk last year to live and work somewhere else. I would have thought the answer was obvious.

They’ve had enough.

We live in a country where anyone who has gained some qualifications, who tries to pay their own way and to live a decent life feels targetted by this government. We have our identity assaulted, our democratic views ignored, our pockets and purses rifled by the state, our opinions criticised or banned and the public services we do wish to use run incompetently or rationed for us.

More money

Is not going to help this sort of situation:

To make ends meet during hard economic times, I became a “substitute teacher” for the Los Angeles Unified School District, or LAUSD – or to put it more kindly, a “guest teacher.” As a guest LAUSD teacher I thought I would be an asset, but the system has never appreciated nor taken advantage of my educational or professional hard-earned accomplishments.

There’s no teaching going on at LAUSD – only confinement of the sort one may find in a penal colony, complete with walkie-talkie-carrying wardens and bullhorns. And I have “confined” at many different schools within central Los Angeles in the last six months. Many students scream “suuuuuuuub” when they see someone like me – a “guest teacher” – in their classroom and trample anyone and/or anything as they push and shove their way inside….

I’ve been injured more than once. On Oct. 5, 2007, at another notorious middle school, I was deliberately body-slammed on the head by two to three large young men in a P.E. class of 53 students, while another teacher (someone I had never met before) was decent enough to give a formal declaration to school and police authorities of what he had witnessed. I sustained a concussion and sciatica nerve damage as a result of this personal attack intended to “terrorize [me].” I have memory lapses and continued head and leg pain. I’m told by the local police that this sort of physical abuse on teachers occurs with disturbing regularity. The LAUSD case nurse assigned to my case labeled my attack “boys will be boys.”

I’ve been burglarized (on June 11, 2007), by a stalker with key access to my locked classroom (likely by another teacher or custodian). This theft occurred during lunch break while I was on a five-minute bathroom errand and included a $2,600 2-week-old Sony Vaio notebook, my RX glasses, credit cards, etc. The incident was also reported to the jurisdictional police. But I will have to take LAUSD to Small Claims Court, because district officials will accept NO responsibility.

The irony is that the LAUSD probably spends more money per student than the vast majority of school systems around the world.