We did it! The suckers bit!

The bailout crew looks pretty pleased. This cannot bode well. Pretty soon they’re going to start just screwing with everyone’s minds just for the hell of it.

Frank: “Unleth you wear your underwear on your head AND give the firtht plumber you thee a hummer, the economy will melt next Thurthday! Oooh, thscaweeee! Tho, put your damn underwear on your damn headth, idioth, do it now!”


Paulson: (to himself) “The fat little flamer made a funny. Ah ha ha. But how does one profit from improperly positioned underwear and felahteo? No wonder his rent boy ring went under. Damned amateur couldn’t even sell sex while I brought in 250 big ones in cash just by saying ‘boo’. God, what a freak show. I cannot get out of here soon enough.”

Reid: “This should kill McCain dead. And when he dies, I want to wrap his waxy, white, paper-thin skin around my head like a turban. And I shall wear Sarah Palin’s underwear – no, that sexy red Alaskan swimsuit!”


Dodd: “Don’t forget to tape your nipples, Harry. Oh sweet Sir Alan Greenspan, I do so love sodomizing Republicans! In a perfect world we would all be wearing giant lubricated condoms over our whole bodies right now!”

Paulson: (into cell phone) “Janis, call Lloyd over at Goldman and tell that damned miser the bidding starts at 100 mil per and a five percent share. Gross, not net. Offer on the desk by Friday; my work here is done.


SNL hits it out of the park

Obama: John, the fact is the surge was itself a remedy for failed military policies of this administration, policies which you supported. You have supported this president 90 percent of the time!

McCain: Jim, my opponent knows that’s not true. I have never supported President Bush. I have undermined President Bush, just ask any Republican! I have always been disloyal to this president, a disloyal, untrustworthy, unreliable renegade who has abandoned my party when it most needed me. The fact is, you simply can’t count on John McCain. That’s why on November 4th, the American people will elect me their next president.

This is one of the best skits SNL has done in years. They finally seem to realize that it’s funnier to go after both sides.

VPFL Week 3

81 Alamo City Spartans
49 Mounds View Meerkats

71 Judean Peoples Front
56 Winston Reverends

69 Masonville Marauders
69 Silver Spooners

66 Greenfield Grizzlies
57 Burns Redbeards

53 Valders Valkyries
51 Black Mouth Curs

I finally got Madden 2009 this week – Spacebunny actually went out and got it for me – and the first thing I did with the Vikings in franchise mode was to trade Jared Allen and Tarvaris Jackson to Cleveland for Derek Anderson. I would have taken Brady Quinn, but Anderson was available and despite his struggles this year, I think he’s a legitimate NFL starter, if not necessarily a reliable All-Pro. Seriously, though, what NFL coach thinks that you can expect to win on a regular basis without an above-average quarterback? Sure, the Ravens won a Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer, but they did it as a wild card and with one of the best defenses of all time. And Dilfer wasn’t even that awful; people tend to forget that he had a 77.5 rating the three years before he played for Baltimore and a 76.6 rating in the 11 games he played that year. In those four seasons, he threw 65 TD and 48 INT. That may not win you a whole lot of games, but it won’t lose you many either.

The Tarvaris Jackson Experiment’s career rating? 66.0 with 12 TD and 17 INT. Even a solid defense can’t overcome that.